how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you win again, gameday.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
