In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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