so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
