oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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