After last night, I could never be a politician.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
