hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
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