your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
