Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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