You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
