I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
