i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
