I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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