There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She's the barista slut.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
