I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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