I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
