I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
