it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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