wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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