just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
