Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
