Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Mom said you looked used
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
