I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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