I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
