I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
