My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
