The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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