Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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