I can text with my tongue
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just googled if crying burns calories
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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