glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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