I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
