i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
