I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
