any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize