a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize