I want to stick my p in your. b.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
