I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
