Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
