Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
