Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
