Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
