We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
