You don't have asthma, your pregnant
one two three fourrrrnication!
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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