You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Ambien. No doubt about it.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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