at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
