Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
