Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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