He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
