Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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