Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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