I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
