Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
