dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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