I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
