i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize