Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
im six kinds of drunk right now
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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