Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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