I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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