Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
