I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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