Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
