I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
