I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
