I smell stomach acid.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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