I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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