I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'm always down for nudity.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
