I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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