just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
