I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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