Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
The best revenge is premature balding
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
