btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i just sent this text using only my big toe
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
