I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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