these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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